We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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