Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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