i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
