My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
