Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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