some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
