I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
