Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
