he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
