he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
