We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
