walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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