I'm gonna have a badass scar
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
