how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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