he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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