How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
