Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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