Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
