I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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