so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sext me about skeletons
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
