I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
