In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
