I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sisters under your porch take her home
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
