I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
