Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
