Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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