He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i think im in europe. pls send help
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
