She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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