like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
