I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
