You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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