I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
vagina is talking i cant
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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