sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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