the day after is always just damage control
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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