There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
