Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
