next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
