Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
