i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
