his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
