Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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