Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
