just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
