she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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