apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I AM VODKA MAN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
