clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
