I am spending my child support on dildos
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
