My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
