im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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