i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
