I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
