I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
