Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
