I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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