all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
