You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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