i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I party with great urgency now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
