Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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